The Four Foundational Ways of Thinking

EXPLORERS are born free. These men and women express more of the traits linked with the dopamine system in the brain. They are mentally flexible, highly curious, creative, inventive, and future-thinking. Explorers seek novelty, are excited by the new and unknown, and are willing to take risks to experience adventures of the mind and/or body. Optimistic, spontaneous, and mentally flexible, Explorers lead the charge for innovating and improving the status quo. They generate a lot of ideas and want to hear about new approaches. They find opportunity in detours and unforeseen circumstances. Often generous, Explorers also make work more enjoyable for others, reducing employee turnover and keeping morale high.

Romantically, Explorers often seek a partner who will go adventuring with them: another Explorer. Because they are friendly and enthusiastic, have little interest in rules or schedules, and have no desire to control others they can make a date feel comfortable quickly. Explorers are also good at listening and talking. They are inquisitive, so they are likely to ask you about yourself in order to engage you and satisfy their curiosity. But they tend to play the field and seek as much freedom and variety as possible—until they are ready to settle down. Explorers attract other Explorers.

BUILDERS are pillars of society. Expressive of the serotonin system in the brain, Builders are traditional, steady, and structured, as well as cautious, organized, and often social. These men and women prefer to discuss concrete facts rather than hypotheticals. They excel in planning and preparation, respect rules and schedules, and make sure ideas are seen through. Builders often make good managers because they are orderly, conscientious, thorough and loyal. They enjoy routine and consistency, and their desire to mitigate risk can improve ideas and outcomes. Builders use resources wisely; their “measure twice, cut once” approach reduces errors. Builders also like to build networks; community and family are highly important to them.

Romantically, Builders seek a stable and predictable team player, someone who shares their fidelity to family and tradition. They take courtship seriously, too. Builders don’t choose a partner impulsively. They believe in good manners, old-fashioned courtesy, punctuality and well-arranged schedules. Builders tend to think concretely; they are literal; they like and trust facts. So on a date, a Builder is likely to engage in tangible conversations - about food, travel, sports, the weather, TV programs and/or movies. They are often good at “small talk,” short conversations on concrete topics. They can be very modest when discussing their achievements. And they tend to take the opinions of their friends and relatives seriously. Builders attract other Builders.

DIRECTORS shoot for the stars. These men and women express traits linked with the testosterone system in the brain. They tend to excel at analytical and strategic thinking. They are also direct, decisive, exacting and tough-minded. Directors are good at what scientists call “rule-based systems,” aptitudes such as higher math, mechanics, computers, engineering and/or music. Directors are willing to tackle obstacles head on; they are often competitive, skeptical, and they say what they mean. Emotionally contained, Directors make sure that today’s emotions don’t negatively affect long-term decisions.

Directors approach dating and relationships the same way they approach their other interests, by rationally analyzing their hopes, needs and intentions. Foremost they seek a partner who shares their goals, as well as someone who is eager to exchange ideas, build theories and talk about science, philosophy, history or whatever interests them. To balance out their forthright style and tendency to make decisions quickly, Directors tend to gravitate to partners who weigh alternatives, listen actively, handle conflicts deftly and have other well-honed social skills. Because they analyze their own emotions, as well as hide them, Directors tend to seek mates who are emotionally expressive. Because they have difficulty dealing with “controlling” people, they tend to be attracted to those who are flexible, even indecisive. Thus they often gravitate to Negotiators who have the empathy and emotional complexity to handle their forceful personalities. When it comes to romance, opposites like Negotiators attract Directors.

NEGOTIATORS are philosophers: contemplative, contextual, empathetic and inclusive. They express traits linked with the estrogen system in the brain. These women and men see the big picture. Imaginative and intuitive, Negotiators can provide game-changing perspectives. By learning from what’s been tried, Negotiators help adjust and improve on what has been done before. Negotiators are caring, agreeable, trusting, and sensitive to people’s needs. They are diplomatic, intuitive, and good at reading body-language. They want to make others feel included and involved. Negotiators are also emotionally expressive and have superb language and people skills – they can craft a message and understand how others will receive it.

Romantically, Negotiators seek someone with whom they can make an intensely intimate, deeply meaningful, inspiring and spiritual connection. Negotiators, like Directors, prefer to go out with one person at a time and to explore the depths of this potential partnership. They dislike wasting time on irrelevant, trivial or boring socializing. When they find “The One,” Negotiators are superb at generating and maintaining intimacy with this partner. They avoid conflicts with a mate, and make major personal adjustments to strengthen this cherished bond. They give thoughtful gifts, such as a treasured book or photograph. They share their most personal feelings. And they want their partner to share his or her feelings too. Negotiators are often attracted to their opposite, Directors.

Do's and Don'ts: How To Communicate With Each Style

With an Explorer

With a Builder

With a Director

With a Negotiator